


Nothing is Sacred Enough to Escape Gen Z Humour

by orinscrivello, The_Procrastinator



Series: Marvel Shitposting [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: It's subtle but there, Memes, Trans Peter Parker, Vines, shuri is more than just memes but that’s all i’ve reduced her to, tony doesn’t understand vines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 16:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15889557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orinscrivello/pseuds/orinscrivello, https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Procrastinator/pseuds/The_Procrastinator
Summary: Competetive memeing is Not Safe. Really.Everybody, even Shuri, agreed that The Vine Ban was for the best.





	Nothing is Sacred Enough to Escape Gen Z Humour

It started out innocent enough.

Shuri was in New York, helping with the development of another Wakandan outreach centre, and she visited Stark Tower when Peter happened to be there. The two started talking, and once Peter got over his shyness, the pair realised that they had a lot in common.

And so began a disastrous friendship.

~~~  
As Peter was currently staying in the tower (to be nearer to NYU), Aunt May could no longer teach him to drive, and so Tony had offered to take over.

When she had some free time, Shuri invited herself along, mostly just to pester him. Tony liked Shuri, but Peter was sure this would be humiliating.

Sure enough, he struggled to focus as Shuri, confined to the backseat, cracked jokes, laughed at his blunders, and generally acted like a bit of a nuisance. She meant it all in good humour, though, so Peter just tried to keep his eyes on the road and smile, which was easier than attempting to both drive and interact with her.

That is, until she saw the cursed road sign.  
“Road work ahead?” She asked, a familiar tone in her voice. Almost instinctively, Peter added  
“Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does!”

“That’s not what it means...”  
“I know, Mister Stark.”  
“Then why did you- BRAKE, PETER!”

For, surprisingly, the third time in the past two hours, Peter completely lost his train of thought, crashing right into the road works he had just been warned about.

 

Thank God for his enhanced reflexes.

 

~~~

“What do you think?” Shuri grinned, walking into the kitchen where most of the Avengers were congregated.

“Is that my suit?” Peter asked, almost dropping his bowl of cereal.  
“Yep.”  
“How did you even get your hands on that?”  
“You left it on the floor in the living room.” Peter had started crashing at the Avenger’s Tower, and he left all kinds of important things just lying around, so he just shrugged and mumbled a resigned “Okay.”

 

Breakfast continued as normal (well, normal by Avengers standards, which meant that Thor poured orange juice into the toaster in an attempt to put out the fire he had somehow started in it), until Shuri and Peter’s conversation turned to the driving incident.

“You’ve got to admit, it was funny.” Shuri grinned.  
“I could have killed somebody.”  
“No, you couldn’t have. There was nobody around.”  
“You and Tony were in the car.”

Shuri only shrugged, like death didn’t even concern her.  
“I’m serious. I don’t want your brother on my case for killing you. He’s scary.”  
“He’s not.”  
“He is!”  
“Peter, I’ve shown you the videos of me pranking him.” She rolled her eyes. “He’s a big blundering baby.”

“He’s a king.”

 

Peter knew he was losing the argument, so he decided to move on.  
“I can’t believe I almost died because of a vine reference.”  
“A noble death.” Shuri nodded solemnly.

“You actually look pretty good in my suit.” Peter said. “I’m surprised it fits you.”  
“It’s a bit tight in places, I admit.” Shuri said, wincing for effect. “The chest, especially.”  
“Oh, that’ll be the binder Mister Stark built in.”  
“Ah.”

They kept chatting for a while, until both had finished their breakfast.  
Shuri got up to leave, and was almost at the door, when Peter said “Hey,” and caught her attention. She turned, an eyebrow raised quizzically, and he smiled. “It is Wednesday, my dudes.”

Shuri didn’t even seem embarrassed as she threw her head back and let out an unearthly cry. The rest of the Avengers jumped or dropped things in surprise, Clint leaping up onto a counter instinctively.

“What the fuck was that?” Bucky asked when she finished. Her and Peter simply shared a look and laughed, then she left.

“Watch a vine compilation, old man.” Natasha smiled.

~~~

Shuri spun in her chair to face Peter who  
had just entered the room.

“Vell, if it isn’t Captain America.”

 

“Huh?” Steve looked up from where he was sitting on the sofa, reading a book.

 

“But it is me.” Peter replied.

“No, it’s an expression.”

“Your nazi tricks won’t work on me.”

 

“Wh-what?” Tony whispered.

 

Right off the bat, the teens continued.

 

“How did you take down Captain America?” Peter asked, prompting Steve to pay even more attention.

 

“We shot him in ze legs, because his shield is ze size of a dinner plate, and he is an idiot.” Shuri replied in a bad attempt at a German accent.  
“What-“ Steve looked between the two in confusion as Tony burst out into laughter. “My legs are fine?”

“Do you even get the reference?” Nat spoke up. Tony stopped laughing to frown.  
“That’s a reference?”

Natasha rolled her eyes.  
“So none of you took my advice. No surprise there.”

~~~

Weeks passed without an incident. Shuri and Peter stuck to casual vine references, staying suspiciously out of trouble. The rest of the Avengers put it down to King T’Challa visiting Shuri, which would certainly put Peter on edge, considering he almost killed her with his driving.

Foolishly, they all believed that T’Challa’s presence would make Shuri behave herself.

That’s why it came as such a surprise when the pair did what they did.

Shuri was chatting with her brother about something when Peter, who had wandered into the room, passed her and mumbled something nobody else caught: “Skidaddle skidoodle.”

Shuri physically tensed up. Peter raised an eyebrow at her expectantly. By now, their vine references had become a game. A challenge.

 

Shuri didn’t like losing.

 

Just as T’challa went to ask her what was wrong, she forcefully blurted out  
“Your dick is now a noodle!”

“... What?”  
“Nothing.” Shuri glared daggers at Peter, who was stifling laughter.  
“What do you mean, nothing? That wasn’t nothing!”  
“It doesn’t matter.”  
“It matters to me.”

Unable to suppress his giggles anymore, Peter ran from the room.  
“Excuse me, brother.” Shuri struggles to keep her voice level. “I need to take care of something.”

She ran from the room, and moments later, Peter could be heard pleading for mercy.

Shuri gave him none.

~~~

 

“Um, Jared, can you read number twenty-three for the class?”

“No I cannot. Whaddup, I’m Jared, I’m nineteen, and I never fuckin’ learned how to read.” Shuri quoted without looking up from her phone. “That was weak.”

 

“Okay, you know what?” Peter snarled. “You’re in time out! Get on top of the fridge! Get up there!”

 

Clint entered the kitchen, turned on his heel, and left again as he witnessed Shuri, perched on top of the fridge, screeching

“This house is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE!”

 

~~~

 

Technically, Shuri wasn’t in NYU, but one of the perks to being a genius princess is that when your walk up to the dean and tell them that you go there now, they not only accept it, they thank you. As such, she often wandered the halls as she waited for Peter to finish his lectures, chatting to random students and teachers.

On one such day, she caught Peter on his way to print off some documents. They were alone in the room, which caused Shuri to grin deviously.  
“What are you planning?” Peter worried, desperately hoping that Shuri wouldn’t do anything too disastrous in a university.

As it turned out, though, Shuri only prompted the shit-show.

She waited until Peter was almost done printing things off, then caught his attention.

“What?” He asked, the final page printing. Shuri grinned and raised one hand.  
“Toss me my keys.”

Tears shone in Peter’s eyes as he realised he had no choice. His honour was on the line; he couldn’t let Shuri win. With a quick glance around the silent computer room, he supposed that at least they were alone.

Nevertheless, it was no accident that the printer nearly hit Shuri in the face.

~~~

“No more, okay?” Tony was using his Stern Dad Voice™. In fairness, he had just had to buy the university a new printer and ask for Peter to not be expelled (Shuri, of course, suffered no consequences. The security footage of the IT suite when the event occurred had mysteriously disappeared, and besides, diplomatic immunity was a thing she could, and did, take advantage of). Tony had reason to be angry.

 

“Yes, Mr Stark. I’m sorry.”

Peter nudged Shuri.  
“Sorry.”

Tony sighed. “I’ll never understand kids these days.” Natasha exaggeratedly rolled her eyes behind him. “No more ‘vines’, okay?” He put air quotes around the word ‘vines’.

 

The teenagers nodded, but their minds were working on overdrive. Sure, it was taking advantage of Tony’s lack of understanding, but ‘no more vines’ didn’t actually mean no more vine references… They just couldn’t watch compilations, right?

 

“Okay.” Shuri said, sounding uncharacteristically nervous. Peter shot her a look.

“Was that a vine reference?” Tony snapped.

“No.” Peter said, at the exact same time as Natasha said “Yes.”

 

~~~

For about a week, things were quiet. The only vine reference had been clumsily made by Bucky, who had taken Natasha’s advice and watched a few vine compilations.

 

Some of the Avengers thought that the storm really has passed, but Natasha knew that wasn’t the case. She could feel it building up. ‘It’ being whatever Shuri or Peter had planned, which she knew was going to be momentous.

It happened on an otherwise picturesque day. The Avengers were mostly just lounging around Stark Tower, relaxing. Peter and Shuri were sat together, chatting, but not necessarily scheming, when Cap decided he wanted to go train for a while. He got to his feet and stretched, then absentmindedly asked Peter to hand him his shield, from where it rested beside the teenager.

Eyes alight with awe, Peter picked up the shield reverently and approached Steve. Natasha saw Shuri’s eyes dart around the room, making an assessment. Everybody is half-asleep. They’re plenty of storeys up. Peter is facing a window.

Like a scene in a horror movie, Natasha saw it unfold in slow motion.

 

“This bitch empty!”

Shuri’s call jolted everybody in the room awake, and they all watched with horror as Cap’s shield sailed right past the man and out of the window, Peter crying “YEET” with tears running down his face.

~~~

Tony didn’t like to suppress free speech, but everybody, even Shuri, agreed that The Vine Ban was for the best. Everybody could tell that poor Steve’s heart couldn’t handle the stress, and Peter admitted that there was no way he would ever beat Shuri after the shield incident, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Vines referenced, in order of appearance (i would make a vine compilation, but i don’t know how): https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwMjwD_uy7OEsHxMqa7CsnFlEEXCvyCDW


End file.
